1) Being mindful
When the dust settles after one of these episodes – just notice what has happened. Begin to bring your awareness to these episodes.
Going forward, you can mark on your calendar the dates when these ‘hi-jackings’ occur. (A quick mark with a red felt tip pen on the calendar will do). Then note how they tie in with an event you attended, or were planning to attend but had to cancel. (You could mark those events in green). Now stand back and look at the pattern of red and green dots on your calendar. Draw your own conclusion.
2) What can I do when I’m ready to do something about this?
Next time your addict acts out…stick to your plans.
Walk out of that door.
Whatever your addict is demanding you drop your plans for – don’t do it. Don’t give her money. Don’t run round to her flat to solve her problems.
If self-harming or an overdose is involved – get a neighbour or family member to call the ambulance, and go wherever you had planned to go.
I can hear you object: “That’s inhumane. I’m not walking out on my daughter”.
I have two things to say to that. First – to avoid inhumanity and being wracked with guilt, plan ahead (I’ll tell you how in Hijacking – Part 3). Secondly – do you want to be dealing with these ‘crises’ when you’re old? If you don’t do something about this pattern soon – that’s what lies in store for you.
Short-term pain rules out the need for long-term pain. Trust me.
3) I was all ready to stick to my plans but I didn’t, because….
Don’t worry. This has happened to all of us, many a time. Whatever happens, don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t carry through with your plans on this occasion.
When the worst is past, go and do something for yourself. Have a hot bath or shower. Watch your favourite programme on TV. Make a hot chocolate.
And then, make a Note to Self to carry through next time. If you want (it’s not compulsory), give yourself suggestions in your Notebook on how to do things differently next time. You are your own best teacher.
When you are ready, move on to Hijacking – part 3.